The Naked Writer 101

Above, is a picture of me, The Naked Writer. See, I am not just a cartoon character!

My new stalker friend J-face over at The Yellow Factor had made a list a while back, of 100 things to know about him on his site. His honesty was inspiring and it made me wonder if I had a list inside of me too that I could share. Turns out, I totally did...if you want to know anything else, just ask!

Oh, and please don't steal my blog entries and pictures without proper credit and my permission. This stuff I write and draw is all copywritten...thank you, I appreciate it!

The Naked Writer 101 

1. Everything I have done or not done in my life, has somehow been for love
2. I still trick or treat even as an adult…not just for the candy but for the little glimpses into other peoples lives, to see what a normal persons world smells like, looks like, sounds like
3. I enjoy making people laugh more than anything else in the entire world.
4. The search for love and authenticity/individuality are the only two things that get me out of bed everyday
5. I stare at walls for hours when I am procrastinating thinking of all I have to do that I don’t want to do
6. I once gave a guy a 4 hour blow job
7. When put on the spot, I have no idea what I do or do not like, I have to take an exaggerated pause to weigh out my options and think about it
8. Loud unexpected noises annoy me, even if it’s me who’s making them
9. Movie theatres are icky; a bunch of people crowded in a room breathing each others germs, eating like cows it’s fucking gross
10. I don’t grow my fingernails because I love to play the guitar which is my drug of choice now
11. I used to be a stripper or 'exotic dancer' on and off (more off than on) for 7 years
12. I love dogs so much, but will never own another after having to put my dog down cause of cancer…I now live vicariously through other peoples dogs
13. Most times I feel like I am an empty egg shell that is already cracked, waiting to fall and shatter into a million pieces
14. I don’t know what I believe in, it changes daily, sometimes hourly
15. My sun sign is Leo, My rising is Leo and my moon is Sagitarius I am all fire baby and that causes a lot of problems for me as I can be a highly reactive and explosive individual
16. I suffer from A.D.W.D. (Adult Don’t Wanna Disorder) it’s epic!
17. I wear glasses because when I was 11, I thought glasses were cool so  I lied on my eye exam to make it seem like I needed them
18. Wearing glasses makes me feel safe, like I can hide my emotions from people when I am wearing them. I feel naked without them.
19. I have perfect teeth but always wanted braces so I used to stretch a paper clip out and put it in my mouth and tell all the kids in school it was a retainer
20. I quit my job for a year to become a professional poker player. I was a shark and did very well until I started to use drugs to be able to stay up and play longer
21. I have always believed that there is something really wrong with me and so far, most of my life has been dedicated to finding ‘the cure’
22. I think ‘What’s the point?’ to almost everything in life it prevents me from trying most days
23. I want to be ‘Baby’ so ‘Johnny’ will tell everyone that no one puts me in the corner and we will sexy dance and love each other forever and live happily ever after…yes, I am still searching for my fairy tale ending
24. Being an exotic dancer made me feel empowered most of the time
25. I once turned down $50,000 to sleep with a man because after much deliberation I came to the conclusion that once a whore, always a whore, I don’t regret that decision!
26. On my 75th birthday, I will allow myself to try the most addictive drugs that I have always been curious about but afraid to try (like Crack and Heroin)
27. When I was 7, I thought I was a mermaid for the entire summer. I could hold my breath for more than 4 minutes underwater and swam like I had a tail
28. I stabbed my brother in the face with a pencil for no reason when I was 9, last time I saw him, he still had the grey dimple in his cheek
29. I worked hard in my life to get everything that I wanted and then when I had it all, I gave it up cause none of it made me happy, it was then that I finally understood that money really can’t buy happiness
30. I HATE to disappoint people
31. I feel pressured to always be engaging and fun when I am around others this makes me want to stay at home a lot
32. I joined a cult and didn’t know it for a while
33. I have drank my own pee three times it’s called Urine Therapy and yes it was fucking gross 
34. No matter how thin I get, it’s never thin enough, so I just stopped trying
35. In order to get super skinny, I went on a cocaine diet. I did all kinds of research and decided that because it wasn’t a physically addictive drug, I could control it cause of the insane amount of will power I have. I still ended up addicted to that drug for more than a year and it was the most expensive diet I ever went on
36. I didn’t learn to drive until I was 24
37. I tend to procrastinate procrastinating!
38. Listening gives me anxiety sometimes
39. Mostly I spend my life waiting for the other shoe to drop
40. I am now afraid to feel too happy because happiness always ends in misery for me
41. I envy the mentally retarded (no joke) Their ignorance is a freedom I long for in life
42. My biggest fear is going crazy and losing my grip on reality.
43. I have a big thing for Dirty dancing’s Johnny also, John Cusack, Jeff Goldblume, Jim Halpert, John Malchovich…actually, maybe I have a thing for men who have names that start with ‘J’? I have a feeling that something cool happened to me the day I watched the episode of Sesame street that was brought to me by the letter 'J'?
44. I have been proposed to 7 times and have never once said yes because it felt like I would be settling
45. Sometimes I can be so impatient that I actually feel it as pain in my body, one time, impatience gave me an asthma attack!
46. I am afraid of failing and I am afraid of succeeding so most times, I don’t even bother
47. I have a different sound effect for things I do like when I throw something or drop something I make a weird noise with my mouth I only recently discovered this annoying quirk
48. I always think the grass is greener on the other side yet when I move to the other side, the grass is still all brown and wilty
49. I wrote my first book when I was 8; Chutney the Squirrel, I designed a cover and bound it and everything!
50. I hate smoking weed, it makes me paranoid 
51. I dislike quizzes it’s a stupid waste of time for someone else to box me into who they think I am…yet the curiosity eats away at me
52. Gossip mags make me sick yet when I go to the check out in a grocery store, there’s nothing to do but read them and then I want to buy them cause who’s ass is that with all the cellulite on it?
53. If someone is behind me when I am driving, I tend to go way over the speed limit just so they don’t get mad at me or think badly of me
54. I am super long winded (both in writing and talking with others) , I wish I could edit what I say mostly
55. When someone is telling me a story and I say ‘oh yeah you told me last week remember?’ and yet they finish the story anyways, I internally get into such an impatient rage that it feels like my eyeballs will pop right out of their sockets and I want to head butt them till they shut up so I don’t have to pretend to be interested in something I just heard…ugh!
56. I tend to lose track of what I am saying as I am constantly worrying about what the other person is thinking and if I have a booger on my nose or if I have morphed into the alien that I feel that I am. How would I know, would they be too polite to tell me?
57. I can't stand that I have imperfections and I wonder if I will ever love myself exactly as I am
58. Seat belts make me angry, they always find a way to move up on me and dig right into my fucking neck.
59. In the last year, I  have been in 3 motorbike accidents, I used to get tattoos to mark special occasions but now I proudly wear my scars. I am especially proud of my ‘franken knee’ it’s sexy!
60. The best part about watching a new movie in the theatre…the previews!
61. I pride myself on never being late! I would rather be 30 minutes early than 1 minute late
62. If you fart, I will laugh…nothing personal but that’s ‘A’ material
63. I have a burp that would scare bears away and I can belch on command
64. The feel of Styrofoam on my teeth or brushing against my nail or skin makes me almost throw up
65. I love to give presents and surprise people. I put a lot of thought into them, sometimes like a whole year of thought!
66. I don’t like to use up anything…so I have almost empty jars/bottles of stuff lying around the house
67. When making a sandwhich, instead of wiping the last remnants of the knife onto the bread, I like to lick the condiment off of it instead
68. I have monkey toes they are strong and can pick up anything…people who know me, are afraid of my feets
69. I love being in a long term relationship
70. When I was in grade 3, I tried to dance in the talent show to ‘I want your sex’ by George Michael I was hurt and confused they said no, cause I was awesome yet I was sent to the principles office for inappropriate behaviour!
71. I have been making up words since I was little and making people believe they are real …insegrievious was my first one
72. I don’t like to have sex with someone unless I am in love with them…then I can orgasm from my body, heart and soul…that is the best feeling a person can have
73. I have a hard time asking for help
74. I had a $20 a day book buying habit as I read a book a day for well over a year
75. I used to be an avid list maker and couldn’t be productive without one…come to think of it, now that I don’t make lists, nothing ever gets done
76. I once got so coked out that I watched Zoolander for two days straight and was still entertained by it every time!
77. Ecstasy doesn’t make me horny or friendly I just want to dance, close my eyes and pretend that nothing exists except the music
78. I am a happy, horny, fun drunk
79. When I found my first grey, I cried like a baby and when I called my best friend, he thought someone had died.  When he finally got the story out of me, he cried with laughter
80. I actually saved my first grey hair and wrote down the day I found it
81. Anthony Robbins books are responsible for me changing the direction of my life. His books and tapes helped me quit drugs, gambling and stripping and inspired me to open my own business and be more than I ever was. Tony Robbins is my hero and I thank him for producing such amazing material, I am still pursuing my dreams because of his words.
82. I like to cry hard once in a while, it makes me feel relieved, it’s like an orgasm for my eyes
83. I am a night owl there’s something so romantic about being out after 3 am it’s exclusive like the whole world is mine
84. When I am excited about something, I can inspire you to be passionate about it too because of how much enthusiasm I have I have been told, when I am like that, I am contagious and magnetic and could sell a used car to a used car salesman
85. When I was stripping, about 50% of my clients just paid me to listen to their hopes, dreams and problems at home
86. I am an excellent pool player. I actually skipped off an entire semester of school when I was 14 to learn to play pool and gitoni (foozball)
87. I am good at projecting that I have a lot of self confidence and power,  but mostly I am a jelly donut on the inside; scared and vulnerable
88. Most of my friends are guys, I just don’t understand women
89. I am a hopeful romantic
90. Every night before I go to bed, I pray that I will find my soul mate 
91. I moved out when I was 14 and lived on my own since I was 16 years old
92. I have a hard time showing weakness
93. I have very few regrets in life even though I have done and said some fucked up things
94. I once loved someone so much that I gave up a big part of my identity and most of the qualities that I loved about myself just to make him happy and try to make it work
95. I love watching a good on screen kiss it turns me on more than any porno ever could and makes my heart flutter with hope!
96. I will never cheat on a boyfriend…ever! I am loyal to a fault
97. I don’t have many secrets…even though I have done a lot of taboo things in my life that pushed the envelope of acceptable by social standards
98. I didn’t do my taxes for 9 years but when I finally got around to it, I got a shit load of money back
99. My live in boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me over video games. See, as a dancer, I would only have to work 4 days a month which was more than enough to pay all the bills. For the rest of the month, I had a love affair with Playstation . He said it was him or the video games, I chose the video games…duh! I think he was just super jealous of my amazing hand eye coordination and my mad skills to beat him at every game.
100. Currently, I live on a small island in Thailand called Koh Phangan. This island is famous for its monthly ‘Full Moon Parties’ where 10,000 + people show up from all over the world to party like a rock star for 3 straight days and nights on the white sandy beach about 10 kms from my house…I have lived here for a year and have never attended one of these parties…weird!
101. I miss my best friend so much it’s like I have walked around with a pitch fork in my chest for the last two years. At least 10 times a day, I wish he was here with me and I wonder if I will ever see or hear from him again

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~

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