I seemed to have started a blog at a strange time in my life. For the last 6 weeks, I have undergone the process of abstaining from 'self love'. Tonight however, after wrestling with Ritalin Fairies that glued my eyelids open, I finally caved in and 'rubbed one off'. My eyelids are still glued open but a peaceful tranquility has settled into every cell of my body.....ahhhhh how do you spell relief? O R G A S M (sung like the Ricola cough drop commercial you know, yodeling from the mountain tops).
Lately, I seem to measure my success in life by how long I can abstain from saying/doing the things I enjoy and love. It's a pretty masochistic relationship I have with myself; all or nothing, go big or go home...I will probably lock myself in my house for a week now to make up for all the 'self lovin' I've missed out on! Te he he ;o)
Wow, I certainly didn't think this would be the content of my first blog post ever! I was dreaming of something more flowery and artsy. This morning when I created this blog, the first rule I tried to impose on myself was to stay away from really graphic subjects. I used scare tactics on myself like; "people I know will read this, people I work with or work for will judge me and it might hurt my future. I have an image to uphold, I must save face at all costs."
So, just keep it clean was to be my motto and I nodded my head in full agreement. Yes, I will be smart about this, I will be safe, I won't rock the boat....that is, until the little man in the boat needed some attention then the rocking of the boat was just incidental...I think he lost his oars and needed some help.:o) (is it tacky to put smiley faces in a blog post? I must admit, I am a smiley face whore! ummm wait, that isn't phrased so well...I mean I like to use smiley faces A LOT!)
Oops, I digress. So, in my orgasmic after glow, it occurred to me;
If I have to censor myself one more time, I am gonna have an aneurysm in my left eye and that could be hazardous to my computer! I have a sneaking suspicion that my warranty doesn't cover that...I cheaped out and didn't get the extended coverage plan you see. There probably is an untapped market for hot chicks with exploded left eyes but I don't want to be the first to start that trend ~call me lazy!
So, to save my eyeball the trouble, I say, fuck it! What am I hiding from? What image do I
HAVE to uphold? If people think less of me for saying what I think, doing what I feel and speaking my truth then that seems to be a personal issue on their part.
I am a human being, with needs, wants, desires and I don't care who knows! So, I am throwing away the rule books and breaking out of these self imposed prisons that I seem to subscribe to for the benefit of others.
This will be the blog of my escape from said prisons.
I hereby grant me the permission to write my truth and I hereby grant you the permission to read all about it.
~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
>
